“All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone” — Blaise Pascal

Modern society has developed some negative associations with the idea of being alone.

When kids misbehave, parents send them to their rooms to sit in silence as a punishment for their bad behavior. Staying at home alone on a Friday or Saturday night is frowned upon. You’d be considered a “loser” for doing so and your friends would ask if you’re okay.

We’ve been wired to believe that solitude is our enemy.

We’ve also confused “being alone” with “being lonely”. But that, of course, is not the case.

Being alone doesn’t necessarily cause loneliness and many people can feel lonely despite being in the constant presence of other people. Author Amy Morin describes it best when she says: “loneliness is about perceiving that no one is there for you. But solitude is about making a choice to be alone with your thoughts.”

The truth is, solitude is necessary for our well-being and potential success.

Every year, Bill Gates takes two “Think Weeks” to spend them alone in a cabin in the woods. He does it to escape the noise, read books, reflect on his progress and engage in deeper creative thought.

About six months after my accident, I took some time off for myself. I flew to Sri Lanka on a solo trip and spent a week on a silent retreat. It was bold and scary and — as an extreme extrovert — I never thought in my entire life that I would one day be committing to a week of silence.

But that experience was eye-opening. It set me on a path of greater self-awareness and gave me a much better idea of where I wanted to take my life. I left the week in a peaceful state of mind, with more clarity and three clear goals that I wanted to accomplish — and I did.

The point I want to make is this: it’s essential for your mental health and personal growth to learn how to spend time alone. And perhaps the greatest benefit to solitude is that it gives you a chance to learn more about yourself.

The Benefits of Solitude

Research has come to prove that there are several long-term benefits to solitude.

1. Is allows you to learn more about yourself and find your own voice. In a world where information is available at your fingertips and everyone has an opinion to share, sometimes it’s incredibly rewarding to trust that you have the answers you seek. All it takes it to build the habit of looking within to converse with yourself. Solitude becomes a medium to learn more about who you are as a person. 

2. It empowers you to become comfortable with who you are. The more you learn to shun out external influence, the more comfortable and confident you feel about your authenticity. This confidence, in turn, will project in the future decisions you will make. 

3. It boosts your creativity. A recent study found that people who enjoy solitude tend to be more creative. I personally really appreciate my alone time. It allows me to rewind, to reflect and more so, allow my imagination to wander. Most often it’s when I roam in nature that I get my best ideas.

4. It gives you an opportunity to plan your life. We plan our business meetings and our upcoming vacations. At work, there are quarterly business reviews and bi-annual performance reviews. We plan and reflect for work and fun — but why don’t we do the same for our dreams, aspirations and personal lives? Take a break from the rhythm of rush to reflect on whether you’re living a life true to you and your goals. 

5. It improves your mental wellbeing. Studies have shown that people who learn to find comfort in solitude tend to be happier, experience lower levels of stress and are less likely to have depression.

How to Spend Your ‘Alone Time’

You don’t have to go to a cabin in the woods or fly all the way to Sri Lanka to learn how to spend time alone. All it takes is to integrate 10 minutes per day to be alone with your thoughts — and if that’s too difficult to start with, I recommend you block out 10 minutes every Sunday evening for yourself.

Is that too difficult of a task to do? I highly doubt it.

Are you too busy to steal 10 minutes for yourself? Well, then you definitely need to do so.

Here’s how you can spend your alone time:

1. Meditate. This is a habit that’s slowly changing my life for the better. I swear by meditation. It calms you down and sharpens your focus muscle. Every morning I meditate for 12 minutes. I sit up straight, set a timer, and meditate in silence. It’s hard at first, but with time, you will love it so much that it becomes a pillar in your daily routine.

2. Write in a journal. I write in my journal once a week. For me, it’s the best way to have a conversation with my mind. When you write, spill out your emotions. Be raw, be real. Let it all out — the good and the bad — and watch how you’ll feel lighter every single time you journal.

3. Set goals. Take control of your life. If you don’t invest the time to be alone with your thoughts and ask yourself “what do I want to achieve this year” then you’ll end up living your life on autopilot. You need a goal — a destination to work towards. I love this quote by Abraham Lincoln: “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” Take the time to plan where you want to go in life.

4. Reflect on your goals. Spend time in solitude reflecting on your progress. Are you following the plan you set in place? Are you on track to achieving the goals you set out?

5. Pay attention to your emotions. Solitude is a door to self-care. Check-in with yourself just as you would with your loved ones. How are you feeling? Physically? Emotionally? Mentally?

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”—Rumi

Solitude is the key to higher self-awareness which then opens the door to change. As per Sheryl Sandberg’s words: “We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.”

It’s not easy to be able to sit alone with your thoughts for extended periods of time, but at an age when social connectivity is the constant, it’s imperative for our mental health to frequently unplug.

You need to give yourself the time you deserve to be with your mind, to look within, and engage in a meditative experience. You can sit in silence. You can journal. You can plan your week ahead. You can go for a walk in nature.

It doesn’t matter what you use your time alone for.

The most important thing is that you build the habit of embracing solitude and inviting more of it into your life. You’ll learn more about yourself and you’ll become more aware of your emotions. In short, it’s the best form of self-care.