Always Focus on What’s Within Your Control
When things don’t go our way, it’s so easy to get engaged in wrong thought.
We drift into spaces and ideas we have no power over.
We start ruminating on all the things that aren’t working in our favour, worrying about all the bad things that could happen next.
We cloud our judgment and lose sense of our role in shaping our reality.
Such can be the case today.
We’re fighting through a global pandemic and I can assure you each and every one of us is having good days and bad days.
On the good days, we try to stay positive and be productive. On the bad days, we sulk into the worry of predicting what the future is going to be like. We imagine it, and then we start living it, which leaves us feeling helpless and scared.
That’s because “thoughts really do create your emotions,” explains neuropsychologist Dr. Shannon Irvine.“Thought fires before emotion, then your brain connects. You repeat that link enough, and it starts running automatically.”
Thoughts fire before emotions—that’s why when we think negatively, we feel negative emotions.
But there’s a way around this.
Whenever I find myself moving from a positive outlook to a negative one, I try my best to bring my attention back to the most important aspect of all.
I ask myself these three questions:
What is worrying me?
What is within my control?
What matters most to me and what can I do about it?
When we focus on what we can control, our thoughts empower us and then trigger positive emotions.
That’s why in a Manual for Living, Roman and Stoic philosopher Epictetus wrote:
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.”
This one principle sits at the forefront of how we approach life:
Do we give our power away to factors we cannot control or do we retain it and direct our energy onto the options we can actually control?
When my mind plays tricks on me and slides me into a stream of worry, I consciously try to swim out of it. And I use this framework below to reorient my thoughts and whisk them up into a more sunny state of mind.
A Sunshine State of Mind
Let’s consider the axis above.
At any given stage in your life, regardless of the set of circumstances you are dealing with, you can find yourself in one of four mental states:
Quadrant #1: Wasting your energy. When you focus on what is not within your control, you’re wasting your energy on factors that will not move you forward. This is like having a 2-week vacation booked, which was canceled due to the pandemic. You can complain all you want, but what’s the use? Stop draining your energy on it and start thinking clearly.
Quadrant #2: Being paranoid. When you ignore what is not within your control, you’re being paranoid. You shouldn’t ignore external factors, instead, accept what is and be aware of the external conditions that are outside your control. For instance, with this pandemic, it’s important we maintain an understanding of the situation and how it progresses because its advancements have implications on our life. We don’t want to give the matter our undivided attention, but we do want to stay educated on it.
Quadrant #3: Wasting opportunities. When you ignore what is within your control, you’re flat out wasting opportunities. You’re being unreasonable. You cannot control the weather, the laws, the economy, but you can control your attitude, how you choose to spend your time and who you choose to hang out with. Stop being wasteful and start using your time wisely for creations and productivity.
Quadrant #4: In a sunshine state of mind. When you focus on what is within your control, you’re in the driver’s seat. You’re being intentional about your attitude and how you spend your energy. This is where you are being emotionally mature and thinking rationally and clearly in a sunshine state of mind. And what does it do to you? It keeps you positive, energized, and motivated.
Stay Focused on What You Can Control
Stay focused on what’s within your control, and you’ll live your life in a sunshine state of mind.
Don’t mistake sunshine for fluffiness—it isn’t.
Sunshine is empowering energy. Sunshine is open mindedness.
Sunshine is accepting what is.
It’s living in peace.
It’s saying to yourself: “This situation sucks, but let’s to see what I can make out of it.”
It’s choosing not to fold the deck of cards just because you’ve been “dealt a bad hand,” but choosing to play to the best of your abilities in-spite of it. It’s choosing to ride the wave of change, not crash into it.
It’s being mindful, not wasteful.
And a sunshine state of mind can only be born from a mindset of always choosing to focus on what is within your control. Frequently engage in this kind of thinking, and you’ll rewire your brain to naturally become more positive.
So whenever you find yourself drifting off to the danger zones of quadrants 1,2, and 3, stop and ask yourself these three questions:
What is worrying me?
What is within my control?
What matters most to me and what can I do about it?
The answers will draw your mind back into quadrant #4.
When you’re job hunting, worrying about not finding a job completely drains your energy.
What you can control is how you structure your CV, the number of recruiters you network with, and the number of applications you submit per day. If what matters most to you is getting a job, then what you can do is triple the rate of applications per day. If what matters most is getting the right job, then change your strategy and start networking with the right people.
When you’re building your business, worrying about whether or not you’re going to hit this month’s sales targets has zero impact in helping you achieve them.
You know what does? When you focus on everything you can directly control: Optimizing your marketing efforts, creating discounts and promotions for existing customers, doubling the rate of your daily business development calls.
All You Need to Know
Within our control are our own opinions, attitudes, aspirations, dreams, desires, and goals. We control how we spend our time, what books we consume, how productive we are, what we eat, the number of hours we choose to sleep, and who we choose to spend time with.
Outside our control sits everything else: the family and body you were born into, how life’s events unfolded, the weather, the economy, other people…
Trying to control or change what isn’t within your control will only drain your energy and leave you in torment. What you can control is how you perceive a situation, how you react to it, and how you respond.
The reality is this: Even though you might not like the situation you are in, you can choose to accept it. Once you learn to accept what is, and then focus on what you can control, you win.
So remind yourself of this:
You can live in an eternal sunshine state of mind as long as you consciously practice the art of focusing on what’s within your control and then doing something about it.